As mums, we love things to be done our own way. Mainly because it is the best way, and maybe even the only way to get things done right, on time and without anyone having a screaming fit (including us!)
Does this make us perfectionists? Well, maybe, or maybe not. I guess it depends on how we look at things. But if we asked our other halves if they thought we were perfectionists, most of them would probably say yes! Am I right?
So whether or not we are a 'perfectionist' in our eyes, here are 3 simple steps to combat our negative thoughts and emotions around the everyday stresses of getting things done 'right', being happy with ourselves and feeling like we are 'enough'...., and perhaps get some time back for ourselves along the way.
1) Catch yourself if you start to set unrealistic goals or expectations for yourself
Perfectionist, or mums - whatever you want to call us - often live with unrealistic expectations of ourselves that we should be able to do it all. From being the perfect 'fun mum', having a spotless home, being the care-free loving wife, the perfect home-cooked food chef, a productive worker.... the list goes on.
And not living up to all these things simultaneously leaves us feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, like we are living a life of stress, shame and with the daily feeling of never quite being good enough.
The fact that we have to juggle so many things in each day means we cannot be the perfect wife, the perfect mother and the perfect worker - or the perfect anything else we need to be - all at the same time!
So we need to consider, in our own minds, what is the perfect wife? the perfect mother? the perfect employee? the perfect mother? the perfect version of us? ......
I would bet anyone who feels like they aren't enough has never sat and tried to understand the exact version of that perfect someone and what exactly they are trying to live up to. And this is why we will never win - until we change our thoughts and define who we want to be!
In fact, this is a question I ask a lot to clients which often results in silent contemplation, light bulb moments and - more commonly than you would think - a massive mindset shift and ultimately change.
So, what happens which causes that change in my clients to a life of happiness and fulfilment - despite everything not being 'perfect'? Well, what we see is that when we come up with our own vision of the wife WE want to be, the mother WE want to be and the employee (or anything else) WE want to be, we finally have a desired destination. The mind then starts working for us - rather than against us - to help us get there.
We finally have a goal, a vision, and - most importantly - something which is personal to us, and defined enough that we can start to see the route to get there.
2) Show your weakness and share the solutions
Admitting to our loved ones what we are struggling with, may take courage, patience and - most annoyingly - a bit of time. But actually talking about our challenges and our feelings helps us to process what is it we are struggle with and find a solutions.
Not only that, but by including our loved ones in our thoughts and struggles, solutions can often be found - and implemented - together.
So that time we invested in sharing the problem, will - more than likely - be repaid in the kind of help which is actually good enough for our minds to accept happily and actually appreciate!
Once we can start to accept help, even if it's not our own version of perfect to start, it can become a habit which our minds start to accept and we can find we have less to do, we are calmer and we have more time back for ourselves.
3) Make a plan and stick to a deadline
It's amazing what the mind can achieve if given a short enough deadline. So, instead of setting goals where we don't finish until everything is perfect. We need to change the pattern.
Make sure you have a daily to-do-list and just pick 3 things to get done every day. If we start the day with a realistic plan - which we know we will feel happy if we achieve - then we start off with the right, positive, mindset.
And by setting ourselves goals with specific deadlines, not only can we can get things done quicker but we start to train our minds to see the benefits of working to a less than perfect outcome.
But how do we do this? Well, by splitting tasks down into small chunks (my recommendation is to split things down so each chunk is never longer than 50 mins) and make sure - as best we can - that we're done within that 50 minute time frame, we will be surprised at how good (maybe not perfect, but good) that task has been done, and how much time we can save by getting things organised in this way!
What's Next?
If any of the above rings true for you, or to simply figure out what it is you want from your own future, why not work through my FREE Mindset Map to create your own future of calm, happiness and fulfilment by clicking here.